So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
