He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize