Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
