i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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