So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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