Who wears a wallet chain?!
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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