DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
