I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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