remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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