it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
