Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
