I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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