Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
