If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
