I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Randomize
