The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
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So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
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I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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