sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
