He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
