You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
