We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize