When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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