I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
