singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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