I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
