The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
