I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
