i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
