so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
