Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize