We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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