A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
