who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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