His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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