Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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