How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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