News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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