I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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