i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
i think i just lost a toe
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
