She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
