Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
