I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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