I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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