I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
