she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
