I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
