Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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