STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i will never coherently bang her
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
