i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
