I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I could fuck to npr.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
