So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
