you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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