I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
