I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We talked him into tasing himself.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
