I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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