I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
this boner is exhausting
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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