sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
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