Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
