I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
