Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
