You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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