i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
