Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
